humor

This category contains 92 posts

Ideas that propel history

History is Propaganda with footnotes.-Je’ I’ve been watching the History of Western Civilization. Often such documentaries┬ámake me cuss mentally because they are so full of propaganda, but this series is not too bad. The speaker has a dry sense of humor and he said burning people at the stake for ideas is evil, but then … Continue reading

It’s always darkest…when the power goes off at midnight

Last night we had an epic storm, the kind where the lightning flashes continuously. It poured rain and the lights went flicker, flicker. This is not unusual actually, and the lights usually come back on in a few minutes. But last night at midnight, the power went OFF. I had almost fallen asleep listening to … Continue reading

Except for these cactus spines stuck in my butt…

How is your week going? Good, I hope. Mine is going well, except for those cactus spines stuck in my butt. If you ever get cactus spines stuck in your butt, here’s how to get rid of them. You see, a few years ago I rescued a cactus from beside the road and planted it … Continue reading

(Not Really the) Mental Health Hotline

I used to work as a mental health professional and believe me, crazy people, and I may be one, would laugh their arses off at this video. Having just been told by a machine that my “call was very important” to it and remembering once being on hold so long the muzak changed to “Billy … Continue reading

What if You are Actually a Brain in a Vat?

If you study much philosophy, you will at some point understand why Athens condemned Socrates to death. Not that he was Corrupting the Morals of the Youth, the formal charge, but that philosophers ask uncomfortable, if not ridiculous, questions. Since I always wanted to be certain, to know, I gravitated to epistemology, that is, the … Continue reading

The Law of Inevitable A**holes

How’s your week going? Good, I hope. As a former missionary, I try to avoid profanity (with mixed results so far.) Profanity is so over-used that it loses its punch. So I save F-bombs for when I’m really outraged (and then I repent.) The word A**hole pops up so frequently that I began to study … Continue reading

Law of Horizontal Attraction

I have formulated a theory and have tested it so often it is now a law: Je’s Law of Horizontal Attraction. Please feel free to test it at you house. The Law of Horizontal Attraction: Horizontal surfaces attract things: letters, pens, books, snacks, cell phones, all kinds of things. I tested it after the last … Continue reading

I survived! 3 Quick Safety Tips

“Ow-freakin’ knife!” I complained irrationally, seeking out my 18 year-old grandson for sympathy. “How did you do that?” He asked, examining my cut finger with concern. “I was trying to fix the couch,” I explained. “WITH A KNIFE?!” Well, yes, actually, but it’s a long story and the title says “Quick Safety Tips” So here … Continue reading

Guns, Booze and Frogs Gone Bad

Last night was the eve of the 4th of July and my neighbors were celebrating early. I live on the edge of a swamp in Georgia and celebrating early around here involves drinking, fireworks and shooting off one’s guns. None of that disturbed me as I sat in my living room studying, until shotgun pellets … Continue reading

Hey, Let’s Elect an Actor in Chief

Hey, let’s elect an Actor in Chief! Instead of Peace Prizes we could give out Presidential Oscars. This morning a nice lady posted a photo of Reagan on Facebook kissing an American Flag. She said, “I just want a president who loves America.” I commented, “Or a good actor?” My daughter fussed at me for … Continue reading