Human Nature

Granny Savage Gets Lost in the Ghetto

Do you have a car, to like, DRIVE places? I used to and took it for granted. Now that I am broke and moved to the city, I figure I can use public transportation. But being a savage, I have to learn how to use it.

I had two appointments yesterday: dentist and covid shot (I’m 70.) Three hours between; should be no problem. The dentist broke a tooth and seemed to be panicky about that. Got out of the dentist and called Uber. “Use Uber,” my kids said, “they’ll be there in a few minutes.” Thirty five minutes later and after nine attempts, (No cars available, it said) I realized I’m stuck in the city far from home and have to cancel the shot.

But that huge highway out front is Tennessee and it hits Monroe somewhere and I live just four blocks north of that intersection. I can walk. In fact, I’ve been getting in shape to walk these hills for a month and a half. I wonder how far it is? I can’t see the little streets on my phone map, but I’ll just head north until I see something familiar.

I walked. The neighborhood looked sketchier and sketchier…OK I’m lost in the ghetto. Keep walking. A woman and her crazy-looking adult son saw me. “Do you need help?” she asked. Oh hell no, I’ve seen those crime shows. “Do you want me to call you a cab?” she asked. Eureka, there’s an idea. How do you call a cab?

I went up on the porch and crazy son thoughtfully got me a bottle of water. Mom called the cab. She told me her life story, which I always find interesting. She was now off drugs, had been assaulted by a homeless man down the street, and had a surgical scar that looked like she’d had an autopsy. Son had spent his entire youth in a mental institution, but wasn’t violent. Any more.

When the cab came and took me home, I saw that it was too far to walk-even if I hadn’t been going the wrong way. But wasn’t it nice of them to help me? I’m an artist so I told her I wanted to send her a print to thank her. What did she like? David Bowie. Sorry don’t have any of those, what else? Lightning. I do have Lightning Over Sarasota Bay. I shall send her a print.

Back here they told me I was in Frenchtown and lucky to be O.K. My daughter said apparently I can’t die unless a meteor comes through the bedroom window and hits me. There’s a fine line between cocky and confident, aye?

But wasn’t it nice of those folks to help me? You just never know about people.

About Je' Czaja aka Granny Savage

Je' is a writer, artist, and stand up philosopher. She founded and directed two non-profit organizations for disadvantaged children and their families, served as a missionary for three years, is the author of several books and teaches art. Twitter: @jeczaja FB: Amazon Author page:


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