“Ow-freakin’ knife!” I complained irrationally, seeking out my 18 year-old grandson for sympathy.
“How did you do that?” He asked, examining my cut finger with concern. “I was trying to fix the couch,” I explained.
“WITH A KNIFE?!” Well, yes, actually, but it’s a long story and the title says “Quick Safety Tips” So here is:
#1: Don’t try to fix the couch with a knife.
On a brighter note, I did just successfully fix the shower with duct tape; really cute duct tape with little mustache designs, I thought as I pulled off a piece. Since my keepers had removed all knives from the vicinity, I bit the tape to tear it. And lost a layer of skin on my lower lip. Safety tip:
#2 Don’t bite duct tape.
Two days ago I backed into a ribbon of fly tape. I panicked and did a bunch of spider-web-ninja-moves to get it off me and guess what? That makes it MUCH worse. Unless you have been through this (or maybe unless you are a fly) you have NO IDEA how sticky this stuff is. Final safety tip:
#3 If you back into a ribbon of fly tape, do not panic. Scream for help maybe. But scream calmly.
I told a young visitor about the fly tape catastrophe. “That is so typical. I can totally picture you doing something like that,” he said, as he, keeping an appointment with karma, bent over a candle and burned his hair.