Human Nature

Food Wars: Assassination by Swiss Cheeze

Sure Kim is soft and chubby, but he is sort of the mother of his country upon whose bosom citizens rests their heads (Seriously)

Sure Kim is soft and chubby, but he is sort of the mother of his country upon whose bosom citizens rests their heads (Seriously)

The Dear Leader of North Korea, 31 year-old Kim Jong-Un, has been hospitalized since September and his sister is ruling in his place. Kim is suffering from gout, reportedly brought on by his addiction to Swiss cheese.

Well played, Switzerland, you have incapacitated one leader of the Axis of Evil simply by making tasty dairy products. And what are you REALLY up to with those chocolates?

As attacks on world leaders go, I think I have to approve of food as a weapon, since the leader has to do himself in. It is much preferable to Mossad’s array of poisons and staged suicides, right? It’s better than blowing up cars and carpet bombing the target’s whole neighborhood, right?

It’s just, “Hey, have you tried this yummy cheeze? It’s to die for.”

America has an arsenal of tasty, nutritionally disastrous foods. We could send cases of the crap to world leaders as a goodwill gesture-get them addicted to it. Then if they don’t behave, we could cut off their supply. No more grease-soaked, over-salted French Fries for you-until you let us build a military base on your land.

But wait-do the French get credit for French Fries? Can’t have that-maybe we’ll call them Freedom Fries instead.

Michelle Bachmann eating fried butter on a stick. Nasty on many levels/

Michelle Bachmann eating fried butter on a stick. Nasty on many levels/

In times of national emergency I might go along with sending fried butter on a stick. I know, it’s drastic; it’s the nuclear option in Food Wars, but all options should be on the table, right? Along with the Swiss Cheese and Freedom Fries.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These will likely be outlawed if Geneva Conventions takes a good look at the label.

These will likely be outlawed if Geneva Conventions takes a good look at the label.

About Je' Czaja aka Granny Savage

Je' is a writer, artist, and stand up philosopher. She founded and directed two non-profit organizations for disadvantaged children and their families, served as a missionary for three years, is the author of several books and teaches art. Twitter: @jeczaja FB: https://www.facebook.com/grannysavage Amazon Author page: http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B00IU4RWKE

Discussion

2 thoughts on “Food Wars: Assassination by Swiss Cheeze

  1. Reblogged this on .

    Posted by aboriginalpress | October 4, 2014, 7:37 pm

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